The other night as I was strolling down the country pavement road with the four-legged beast, Polly, it was beginning to turn dusk so the heat was dying down just enough to where the walk wasn't miserable. I could smell the sweetness of the mimosa trees in the air and to my right was the pond, the insects making little circles along its surface, and the lightning bugs glowing along the embankment. I was listening to the randomness of my Spotify playlist as I sweated along down the road, watching as the wild bunnies hopped onto the other side of the fence to escape me and the beast invading their evening. These sights alone would bring back feelings of nostalgia along with a flood of memories from my life, but the song playing at that moment seemed to freeze time for me. The song went, "when the night is over, out of all the places I could choose I go to you, only you. Feel you just below the surface, darling, all I wanna do is go to you.". It was with those words I began to think of you and you spoke back to me and as if you were a brother of the string, you blended those notes so effortlessly with the images that came flooding to the surface.
There is Moody, standing as a young child with those blonde curls wrapped around her head and a heart as big as this world itself just bouncing on the trampoline to her now, as a mom herself. Stinky in all his lispy forms of communication chattering my ears off about all the possibilities this life can hold to now being a husband and a leader for his wife. Doodle, the most fantastic 3 year old hand holder, amazing me with all the knowledge his little nine year old brain can hold and how wide his arms spread to give hugs to those he loves. Little K'lani Rea's sweet face with those big brown eyes filled with excitement for exploring this life. Camille turning one and devouring the cake as intensely as she will attempt to devour whatever comes her way. Past friendships before the turmoil to new friendships that encourage growth of spirit. Coworkers I hadn't thought about in years and the small moments we shared during long work hours widened the smile on my face. Flashes to those moments where I felt like just one more human on this planet felt the same way I did and how precious being understood for just a single moment resonated within my being.
What an odd thing, to think of memories that are my own as a separate entity, but that is what was drawing me into the movie complex of my brain. The flashes of time that led to who I am now, today, with more to lead to who I am to become. I don't believe I've ever understood quite how intimate our relationship was before now. Feeling, what I thought was sweat dripping down my face in abundance, I wiped it away and was pulled back by the leash of reality to finishing the walk, but there was more than the sweetness of those mimosas in the air that evening as I made my way to my back porch for a well deserved rest. I sat down in the swing and pressed my Air pods in just a little further, hit repeat while I sat back and enjoyed the remainder of the show. Thank you for reminding me that the past isn't always filled with the heartache of loss or the anger of things gone wrong, but a kindness that reaches into my soul to show me that no matter how hard things become in this life that there is always a smile to brighten the darkness.
