Dear Me (volume 1),

I wake up these days not feeling like myself and it’s made me start wandering, yes wandering around my mind, as if it held more than chapters but books filled with adventures,  mistakes, and a few barreling laughs.  Some books even included their own cliff notes, legends, and video reference that played in the background while I was reading. I’m a forever multi-tasker. Which story felt like me though, the lost me?  I began reading and realized how many stories I’ve experienced and the sheer number of, about 5, I’ve been privy to being at least the side-kick in.  To someone I’ll be known for  being the loud one in the group, the one who screams insecurity as loudly as she does at other drivers on the road. Known, only as the villain of another’s main character story, or, possibly, the hero of my own.  I doubt it will be for cleaning up my house better than I did my potty mouth.  Forgiving until the grudge was just big enough to hold in the palm of my hand like crumbled paper to list all of my grievances? Perhaps. The young girl that thought dreams could come true only to crush every one that my children had in their childhoods. The sweet one, until the pause of life kicked in, like the rage inside of me at the world. The one people miss when it is convenient for me to drop into their minds. The inappropriate one that tells a story in line at a funeral home that ends with “and I died”.  Understandable why you distance your family from me, I’m the one that’s emotional when you least expect it.  I guess, I may be remembered as the one who laughed so hard that it turned into the giggles that left your stomach hurting.  I was the one who let you disturb my heart with your words even though I never told you, well, maybe I did.  It would depend on when I died, not sure when that will be, but know if you thought you disturbed me, maybe you did and maybe you didn’t, you’ll never know now!  

So many more books to read and even more to write. May whomever plays their parts well, be blessed with the one who wants no drama to the one who’ll slice their tires while their sleeping.  

Love, 

Me