Outside

Here is my newest poem....Let me know what you think about it!

Outside

  BY: Jennifer Glover

I stood outside your window today,

And saw a glimpse of a girl I knew.

When time was still her friend

And innocence abounded too.

She told me of times long gone,

And of loves from her past.

How she thought they would only grow

And that they would forever last.

I stood there, hanging on every word.

The great stories that she told,

Of how this life had captured her,

And the battles that did unfold.

The pieces of her soul left behind,

Measured more than she had thought.

For in this journey she called life

She had to follow her heart.

I stood outside your window today,

Hoping to see this girl again,

But to my surprise she wasn’t there,

She wasn’t there, my friend.

Ode to the skinny girl.....

Ode to the skinny girl… poem by Jennifer Glover


What I wouldn’t give to be a skinny tart,
To blow away with one good fart.

To go to spin class and love cardio
Instead I drink milk and eat Oreos.

To bend over and paint my toes
Without doing some crazy yoga pose.

To stand tall and walk with class
Instead of carrying around this big ‘ole ass.

To go shopping and wear cute outfits,
Instead of giving up and calling it quits.

To look in the mirror and like what I see
And not be critical of all that surrounds me.

To strut around like my shit don’t stink
Because truth be told that’s what I’ll think

Checking out for a day.....

I have been on this "Becoming a happier person" path and it is not easy at all.  How do all those happy people do it?  I mean, do they drink some heavily (hallucinogenic) spiked water or what?  I have tried to let positive thinking overcome everything but I have failed miserably in my attempts.  I don't want to say it is due to all the stressful things that have been going on lately and if things were just normal then I would have been able to pass this test with flying colors because ultimately, live is messy and chaotic.  Normal is trying to figure out how to pay the power bill this month without pissing off the cable company by having their check in late.

 I have found myself drowning again in that "negative pot".  Always feeling like I'm trying to claw my way out of it just to reach the top and fall right back in again.  A never ending struggle that leaves me drained without any signs of a happier me.  I have to find the right balance of stress, happiness and freedom.  I recently had a touch of true freedom and it consumed me.  I loved every minute of it.  I was the happiest I have been in a very long time. For the most part, I always feel like I'm trapped.  Trapped behind some medieval wall with the enemy looming on the other side with spears just waiting for me to drop my guard and attack.  For a brief minute the other day though, those guards were able to take a break, go to the bathroom, get them something to eat and take a quick cat nap before the peace came to a halt and they had to man their posts again to be ready for that always vigil enemy outside that wall.  Briefly, I felt like all the stress, worry and drama that surrounds my life was no where to be seen.  I wasn't thinking about anyone else in this world but myself!  Selfish????  I don't think so.  How can I become a better person if I am always consumed with the actions of other people and how they effect my life?  The answer I have come up with is I CAN'T!  To some extent we all need to be selfish when it really comes down to it.  By that I mean, if I let others completely drain me of who I am, what good would I be for them or anyone else in this life? 

Everything in life is choices, right? RIGHT! So, I'm going to make the choice right now to not let anything or anyone put me back into that pot of misery!  I am going to think positively and go for my dreams.  One day, I will find the right path for me and explore it with full abandon and a little sarcasm.

I'm finished with week one (or quite possibly, I have worked on this for 2 weeks?)  anyway!  ....whew!!!  Showing gratitude or thinking of things every day that you are grateful for is not as easy as it seems, but definitely worth the effort to do.  Now, I have learned a few things about myself so far.  I learned that just because I want to be a happier person doesn't make me one.  I have to put the work in to get the reward. I also learned that being a happier person doesn't mean that I won't EVER get pissed off again, but it may take more to get me to that point than it used to.  I also found that taking time each day to think of things you are grateful for does put a lightness in your step.  Unfortunately for me, that lightness doesn't show on the scales!  Maybe after some time I won't have to make an effort to be grateful - I will just BE grateful. 
Here are a few things that I am grateful for:
1.  a much needed rain storm
2.  seeing a movie with my children
3.  having parents who I know love me
4.  that God gave my brother a second chance in life
5.  knowing that someone in this world loves me
6.  knowing that I am not alone in this world

So..whenever I feel like I'm sinking in the "negative pot", I will remember these things that I am grateful for and become more light hearted each time I do.  I think that may sound a little zen!  Again, not a tofu-eating, robe-wearing, shave my head live in the mountains type of zen, but definitely a less chaotic person. 

On to step 2 of the "becoming a happier Jen" project.
Step 2: Cultivate Optimism. 
Try to identify your pessimistic thoughts and replace them with more favorable viewpoints. Ask yourself, "what can I learn?"
Think about what you expect your life to be in one, five or ten years from now. Visualizing a future where everything has turned out the way you wanted. 

Let's see how this goes. There are so many possibilities!!! Will pessimistic thinking reign supreme or will it become the BIGGEST LOSER? 

Step 1

 I've decided it is time to make a few changes to ME!  I want to live a stress-free and joyous life but I'm not sure how to get to that.  I'm not saying I want to be like some eccentric that lives on tofu and spouts off things like, "the flower is life and light to all"!  BUT, I do want to be a more gentle, more loving, more focused person without all the drama that others bring into my life.  I feel that all the drama is weighing me down and killing my spirit and I will not have anymore of it!  This is where in life I get to be selfish!!!!  YEAH!!  OK.  So, the first steps in reaching these goals are.....hmmmm.....ummmm hummmm........*crickets chirping*........hummmmm......consult google.....found an article "Take these 12 steps to a happier you". Let's try it, why not!  So....each week I'll work on a new point and let you know how it goes.  Then at the end of 3 months let's see if I am a happier person!  I like it!  I'm ready to start today! 

Step 1:  Show gratitude.  Each day think of three to five things you are grateful for and acknowledge one ungrateful thought and replace that with a grateful one.  Think of someone who has been important in your life and tell them in a letter. 



So, this week will be the week of gratitude!  I will update when I am done with this step and starting a new one.  Wish me luck and if you are a person in my everyday life - hold on to your big girl panties!

Talking to yourself????

Ok...so we received an email from our Big Cheese at the office today that read.....
We have settled into our new work environment blah...blah...blah...blah...BUT I have observed behavior that needs to be corrected. Here they are in no severity order:

1.  limit cell phone use during the day - this to include texting and any other applications on your phone.
2.  If you are wearing headphones and cannot hear the phone ring or a person talking to you that comes to your work area then you should not be using them.
3.  computer use is for work only
4.  talking from cube to cube needs to stop - you will need to get up and walk to the person's cube to talk to them.  Also, if you are in a habit of talking to yourself while you work you will want to work on reducing that as well.
Now continue with the good (quiet) work.


WE HAVE A FEW RULES OF OUR OWN FOR THE BIG CHEESE AND HIS CHEDDAR DROPLETS!

1.  No sneaking around corners to try to catch employees doing something wrong.

2.  Alert your staff whenever you go into a meeting as to prevent your employees from having to “come and find” you during times that they have important questions.

3.  Immediate attention needs to be made to the overindulgence of fun sucking that you have been doing lately and it needs to stop.

4.  Please keep your heads out of your employees’ butts and up your own as to make sure you can hear when you are asked a question considering sound will travel throughout your body until it reaches your ears.

Thank you,
your under nazi-control staff

Ever Wonder?

Ever wonder what happened to yourself? Like somwhere along the way you just sort of lost who you are? I am so caught up in homework for me, homework for the kids, how are we going to pay this bill or that bill, got to get up for work. Rush..rush..rush all the time! It just seems to never end. Then when you can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel - BAM! that light you saw? Well, it was the headlights from an on-coming car and you didn't realize it until you are lying in the hospital bed all beat up and broken. Beat up because no matter how hard you try you always end up here and broken because you are just tired of trying to avoid that on-coming car that seems to always be just around that corner.