Ode to the skinny girl.....

Ode to the skinny girl… poem by Jennifer Glover


What I wouldn’t give to be a skinny tart,
To blow away with one good fart.

To go to spin class and love cardio
Instead I drink milk and eat Oreos.

To bend over and paint my toes
Without doing some crazy yoga pose.

To stand tall and walk with class
Instead of carrying around this big ‘ole ass.

To go shopping and wear cute outfits,
Instead of giving up and calling it quits.

To look in the mirror and like what I see
And not be critical of all that surrounds me.

To strut around like my shit don’t stink
Because truth be told that’s what I’ll think

Checking out for a day.....

I have been on this "Becoming a happier person" path and it is not easy at all.  How do all those happy people do it?  I mean, do they drink some heavily (hallucinogenic) spiked water or what?  I have tried to let positive thinking overcome everything but I have failed miserably in my attempts.  I don't want to say it is due to all the stressful things that have been going on lately and if things were just normal then I would have been able to pass this test with flying colors because ultimately, live is messy and chaotic.  Normal is trying to figure out how to pay the power bill this month without pissing off the cable company by having their check in late.

 I have found myself drowning again in that "negative pot".  Always feeling like I'm trying to claw my way out of it just to reach the top and fall right back in again.  A never ending struggle that leaves me drained without any signs of a happier me.  I have to find the right balance of stress, happiness and freedom.  I recently had a touch of true freedom and it consumed me.  I loved every minute of it.  I was the happiest I have been in a very long time. For the most part, I always feel like I'm trapped.  Trapped behind some medieval wall with the enemy looming on the other side with spears just waiting for me to drop my guard and attack.  For a brief minute the other day though, those guards were able to take a break, go to the bathroom, get them something to eat and take a quick cat nap before the peace came to a halt and they had to man their posts again to be ready for that always vigil enemy outside that wall.  Briefly, I felt like all the stress, worry and drama that surrounds my life was no where to be seen.  I wasn't thinking about anyone else in this world but myself!  Selfish????  I don't think so.  How can I become a better person if I am always consumed with the actions of other people and how they effect my life?  The answer I have come up with is I CAN'T!  To some extent we all need to be selfish when it really comes down to it.  By that I mean, if I let others completely drain me of who I am, what good would I be for them or anyone else in this life? 

Everything in life is choices, right? RIGHT! So, I'm going to make the choice right now to not let anything or anyone put me back into that pot of misery!  I am going to think positively and go for my dreams.  One day, I will find the right path for me and explore it with full abandon and a little sarcasm.