I had a dream the other night...I was standing outside in the darkness, fully clothed, when I could smell the rain coming, could hear the thunder as it got closer and see the lightning strikes as they became brighter. The wind blew hard and the trees bowed to it. It was as if I was watching myself standing there unable to run for cover. I slowly extended my arms out from my sides up towards the sky and felt the first rain drop plop onto my face. One by one they kept falling until my entire body was soaking wet. I just couldn't move...I had prayed for this rain before in my life. Praying again now, that it would come and wash it all away as each droplet fell and pinged against me. Standing there, in the darkness, allowing nature to seemingly wash away every feeling that I ever had that led back to you, I realized it wasn't the rain falling anymore, it was coming from my eyes....my tears. Tears I keep hidden from the world and from myself, for if I expose them to others, I expose my weakness as well.
I woke up from this dream and realized that life is full of men like you. It would be easy to say that you only go after the broken but that's not true. Most people would think you come in like the Kool-Aid fella, busting in like you own the place, but it's more in the quiet moments of life you subtly knock on the door. When we open that door, there you are standing there holding whatever it is that makes us forget. We all want to forget...forget the pain, forget the sadness, forget the boredom, forget the lack luster life we have created for ourselves. For it's in those moments that we are at our weakest and why we invite you back into our lives. I had hoped 2 years ago, when losing my brother that you would never show up again, but I guess that was a false hope. A few months ago, when hearing about an old friend succumbing to the same tragedy, I hated you even more. I wanted to ask you all the questions that I would never have answers to. Why did you lead these good men toward their fateful end? Why did you continue taking from mine and others lives with no regard to our feelings? How would these holes you created be filled with something other than you? Where does possibility enter and you exit?
Life has taught me that you cannot have good without evil and you sir, are the evil one. You are the devil I see in so many places, lurking in the shadows of hearts. For those that are tricked by your shininess and allure of forgetting, I will do my diligence to be there to help them remember. I have failed those I love in the past but I promise to always remember them and not allow you to make me forget how much they meant to me and those that loved them. We are all flawed and have walked the paths you laid out before us because it seemed easier, but life is not easy. It does get hard and we become weary, but God loves us still. His love is what we need to carry within our hearts and not the burdens of this life. I will continue giving my burdens to Him and praying, not for the rain to wash it all away, but for His love to wash over me so I can shower those around me with it instead.
(Signed)
A broken but saved by grace being,
M.E.
Very well said.
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