Dear Santa,

While out Christmas shopping this past weekend, I spotted you in the mall, but you seemed to have your hands and lap full of little ones.  It crossed my mind to stand and wait but didn't want to take the focus away from the children since you appeared brimming with the Christmas spirit as you proudly sat there listening to their wishes.  I hesitated for a few moments to watch the magical looks in their eyes as they delightfully expressed their wants to you, but then the lights seemed to dim inside of me and I began to walk on to push past this feeling of sadness that overcame me.  

When I was younger, Christmas seemed so magical, the hustle and bustle of this time of year, the sparkly, twinkling lights everywhere and people smiling at each other, all filled my insides with a warm cocoa feeling.  As the years have gone by though, it seems to have lost that shine that my spirit once leaped like a reindeer to touch.  It has grown into so many motions, a tribute to the routine, with no twinkle of magic left to wish upon. You, yourself, being such a jolly fella may not understand how Christmas could be anything other than special, but some of us have been riding in the struggle sleigh (sometimes on the hood barely hanging on with an antler sticking in a place no one wants an antler stuck) for quite some time now.  Losing my brother this year has filled me with a sorrow that I never knew existed and everything now seems somehow tainted with this grieving feeling.  It seems easier to plop on the couch and potato my way past all of these feelings but I’m gonna try to slap a smile on, nod agreeably with those around, and choke back every single tear I want to release for the next two days. 

 I guess that’s what my wish is this year, while you’re watching anyway, could you dry those tears before they well up to the surface?  I wouldn’t want to ruin this joyous season for those who aren’t wading in their sadness.  Zip the boots up and off I go…..smile locked and loaded., hopefully.  

Thanks in advance for any help,

M.E.